like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
