i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
