wat bout pragnant strippers??
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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