PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it đ
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Liz Cheney wasnât exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying âYAS QUEENâ for in 2021 but here we are
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