Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
