Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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