How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
