your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
