I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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