so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
