that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
