i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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