It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
