I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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