i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
