Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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