Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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