apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
