I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
