I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
