I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
