He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
