First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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