i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
