I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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