Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
