Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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