You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
