There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
