Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
