I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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