booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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