Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
