3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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