his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
