i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
