I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
