I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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