omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
