I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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