i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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