Nicole vs. Life
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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