Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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