I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
