ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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