I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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