You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
