Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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