So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
