The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
