I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
