ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
