So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
