Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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