CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
