Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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