Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
