He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
