you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
