Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You can't motorboat a personality
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
