Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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