Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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