He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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