He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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