we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
