8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it was like eating out sand paper
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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